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So lately I have been thinking about the time when I lived in Raleigh, NC! I really enjoyed living there and the friends that I made. I have been thinking about why I had so much fun while I lived there and why I don't have as much fun anymore. I think that I figured out why I'm not as happy anymore! Also how I'm going to fix things.

1- I listened to music all of the time! - like all of the time I think that the only time that I didn't listen to music or have music in the back round is when I was sleeping. So now I need to listen to music again!

2- I didn't care what people thought of me. I was an out of town er and once I got to town I didn't care what people thought. I was comfortable with myself and just did whatever.

3- I played soccer and I was told that I was good at it my a group of Hispanic guys! Out of all of the people that were there I was the only girl that played and I was the only white person that played.

So I think that I want to start up some of these things again. I don't mean playing soccer with a bunch of Hispanic males, but I would like to play soccer again. I think that I will dance and listen to music more often.


I really don't know the purpose of this blog but I just feel that I need to write it down some were and let some people know!

I want to laugh, sing and enjoy life! I have been getting better but looking back at pictures of me in NC it made me think that I want to be that girl again. Not a care in the world how or what others thought of me. I enjoyed that life so much and was so happy. Now just to get that back. I think that I am going to stop typing now and look for a soccer team indoor or outdoor is my only thing that I feel that I need to worry about!.

Oh yeah I'm going to get rid of my car! I am going to sell it to a auto dealership and get my in laws Tahoe! I have always wanted a truck or an SUV so excited!

Motivation to Move - Not So Much

I look at so many people who are Motivated to Move! How are you so Motivated! Yes I want to lose the weight... I have challenged myself to a better me by Christmas (44 days). I just feel that I am too Fat to get my butt out there and move it! I know that there are bigger people out there than me that do it. How do they get motivated? Do I take pictures of myself and look at them daily and get my motivation that way! The truth is I really don't want to be living my life a big as I am! I am so uncomfortable in my skin! I am trying to eat healthy, and yes I am proud of myself that I have been doing this since Saturday, but I tend to give up on myself day after day! I know that if I just eat healthy I will lose some of what I have put on but How am I going to see the results! I want to get the results now not later! I want to be the old me again!

I have always been self conscious about my weight this is just the first time that I have come out and told the world. Even when I was a decent weight I thought that I was Fat! How do you get rid of those feelings and how do you appreciate the way that you look!

I am going to have to be harder on myself! More strict about how much I eat and what I eat! No I am not cutting out carbs I just want to eat better carbs!

This weekend I am going to make whole wheat bread and hoggie rolls! I am going to make noodles and try to have noodle dough around more often! I would like to make tortillas!

I notice that I have a lot of wants and I need to make those things NEEDS Because I need to do this for myself. I am my own worst enemy! No one else can tell me not to do it or tell me to do it! I just need to get off of my lazy butt and do it! I know that this is a downer blog I just needed to let you all know that Eating health all the time sucks! I am going to let myself have a few snacks but they can't be like really unhealthy! I am staying away from preservatives and trying to make everything myself! I know that my husband is enjoying the new foods that I am cooking! Some are different! If he doesn't like something he will let me know!

I am trying to put together a cook book for us of foods that we enjoy eating as a family. We will see how that one goes! If you have any recipes that you would like us to try just let me know and I will try them out!